On These Black Sands (Aisling Sea Book 1) Read online

  He had made peace with the idea quickly, when he’d planned to simply wait out their short stay by remaining on the ship, when he’d intended on giving the men only one night ashore.

  But her note had changed everything, raised too many questions, and wiped away all confidence that he would be able to stomach this visit.

  The note—despite its weightlessness—seemed to pull him under the sea of memories he’d ignored all these years. Or had tried to. The dreams had ended years ago, the anxiety attacks ceasing along with them, quicker than he’d thought possible.

  Would returning, stepping foot on those black shores, bring all of it back?

  Tommy glanced down at Declan’s hand and the paper he held. Declan’s gaze followed.

  He could hand it over, let Tommy read it for himself. But something kept him from doing so. They’d been searching for years with little luck, and her note—however vague—offered their first lead in months. But he didn’t know how much she knew or how much help she’d prove to be.

  And he couldn’t risk stirring within his friend the tiny amount of hope she’d offered, especially when it was tethered to something as shaky as his relationship with her.

  Declan didn’t lift his eyes when Tommy spoke again. “I’ll see you at the pub then.”

  And with that, Tommy was gone. The door to the cabin closed again to give Declan the privacy he’d need to get his wits about him.

  He turned to the small wood-burning stove behind him, which provided the only heat on the ship except for the galley, and dropped the letter inside, watching the paper catch and burn with the smell of polished wood and fresh flowers, the smell of home.

  Once it had turned to ash, he extinguished the flames. It was time to leave. Time to get this over with.

  3

  Aoife

  Neither Aoife Cascade nor Lani Bierne spoke as they walked arm in arm, their shoes crunching over the twigs and pine needles that made up this long-forgotten path from the port city to their home at the council hall. Overhead the pine branches swayed in the summer breeze, like waving hands greeting them with their calming scent as the girls passed underneath. Aoife sensed her sister’s eyes on her for the third time in the last hundred paces.

  Aoife stopped in her tracks but did not release her sister’s arm as she turned to her.

  “Okay, Lani, out with it.”

  She’d given her plenty of time to come clean with whatever was on her mind. All the time they’d spent in town that afternoon and then the first forty minutes of their walk back home, at least.

  “What do you mean? Out with what?” Lani’s eyes brightened with what Aoife could only assume was feigned confusion.

  Aoife’s shoulders slumped as she let out a groan. “Oh come on! You’ve obviously got something on your mind. You’ve been near bursting with some news since we left home.” She cocked her hip to one side and flashed a smirk, knowing she had her sister pegged.

  “It’s nothing, really.” Lani pulled her arm away and started walking again, calling over her shoulder, “You coming?”

  Aoife caught up within a few steps, her stride matching her sister’s once again, but didn’t bother relinking arms. She should drop it, trust Lani when she insisted it was nothing. Another glance at her sister, though, confirmed this was far from nothing. There was a change in the way her eyes took in the world, a change in the curve of her lips, as if a stupid grin were itching to be unleashed.

  Lani’s waves of red hair danced in the wind, and on impulse Aoife reached up to her own brown hair, which always seemed to be knotted instead of lying nicely like her sister’s. As a kid she’d wondered how they could be sisters when they looked so little alike, with only a speckling of freckles across their nose and cheeks shared between them. It wasn’t until she had matured that she realized their sisterhood was not forged by blood but by duty alone.

  Still, she often found herself wishing she’d been gifted with the same features and demeanor that made Lani endearing, charming, approachable. A stark contrast to Aoife’s awkward aloofness. Not that there was any need for closeness in the council hall.

  “You know you think too much, Aoife.” Lani’s words cut through her thoughts.

  “You should really try it sometime. It’s good for you.” She shot her sister a look before jabbing her in the ribs with an elbow, then waited for the giggles that normally ensued between them, but instead Lani breathed deep and looked away.

  Aoife exaggerated her movements, looking up at the trees and then at the bushes along the path. She fidgeted with feigned nervousness.

  This will either get her talking or she’ll think I’m mad.

  She cleared her throat, louder than necessary, but then forced her voice into a whisper. “I stole a roll at breakfast.”

  Lani faced her but kept walking. “What? We didn’t have rolls this morning.”

  “When we were ten.” Before Lani could question further, she continued. “I had a pet too.”

  Lani stopped then, wrinkles forming across her brow as she listened to Aoife’s confessions with either confusion or concern. Aoife wasn’t sure which.

  “He was just a spider who showed up one day in my room. It’s not like I had a cage for him or anything, but I named him George. He was a good listener.”

  Lani fought back a laugh. “Aoife. How could you? You know pets are strictly forbidden.” She appeared ready to burst into chuckles.

  “I know! It’s why I haven’t told you until now. It’s been eating me up for years. Remember that day I came to dinner and everyone wondered why my eyes were all red and puffy, and I said I had gotten dust in them? Well, it wasn’t dust. I’d accidentally dropped a book on George. I killed my pet. The only one I could talk to, and I’d killed him!”

  “Oh, Aoife,” Lani said, mock sympathy dancing within her words. “That must have been devastating.”

  “You have no idea how good it is to get that off my chest. It’s been plaguing me for years.”

  Lani gave Aoife a gentle pat on the arm. “Secrets can weigh you down, it’s true. They’re not good for the heart.” And she started back down the path.

  Aoife scrunched her nose in defeat and stomped her foot—an action not suited for someone who was turning twenty in nearly a month. But she didn’t care. “Gah, Lani! Come on!”

  Lani skidded to a stop and turned, her resolve held tightly on her face, her eyes challenging Aoife to back down before they began to water at the corners. The shake of her head started slowly but picked up speed as the tears threatened to spill from her eyes. “I can’t.”

  Aoife was by her side in a fraction of a second. Her heart thumped harder in her chest at the sudden shift in her sister’s demeanor. “What has you so worked up? Whatever it is, it can’t be good.”

  “Oh, but it is good. It’s wonderful. Or it would be for anyone else.” She dropped her chin to her chest as she spoke, allowing Aoife to wrap her arms around her and pull her close.

  Warm afternoon sunlight filtered through the branches above, casting shadows in Lani’s hair that normally would have had Aoife imagining fanciful stories from the shapes it created, but here, with her sister crying into her shoulder, she felt plagued by an ominous feeling that things were about to go downhill fast.

  But she said it was good? Wonderful? But not for her.

  Aoife’s mind whirred through the possibilities. As heirs to the council, they had grown up knowing certain things in life couldn’t be theirs. She considered each option, but only one seemed a likely cause for the flush in Lani’s cheeks. It was a long shot, and she’d feel incredibly silly to have suggested it if she were wrong.

  But if she were right…

  She pulled back and lowered her head to look Lani in the eyes.

  “Who?” she whispered, as if the council might have spies in the trees along the path.

  Lani
shook her head again, more from an inability to answer, it seemed, than a denial that Aoife had guessed correctly.

  “Who is it, Lani?” she repeated, still soft but with increased urgency.

  “His name is Adler.”

  The name didn’t sound local. He couldn’t be from Cregah. Which could mean only one thing.

  “Which ship?”

  Lani spoke around her fingers as they fussed with her lower lip. “The Winged Serpent.”

  A gasp escaped before Aoife could stop it. “Nooooo. This is far from good and wonderful, Lan! Captain Tiernen’s ship? What are you thinking?”

  She didn’t dare call Captain Tiernen Lani’s father, despite his siring her. The title of father implied a presence in one’s life, didn’t it? It was a concept foreign to many children on Cregah, but especially so for the council heirs.

  “Well, I didn’t exactly plan it, you know. It just happened.” Lani’s gaze lowered to the ground as she toed the drying pine needles in the dirt.

  “What exactly happened? I mean, what are we talking about? If you just looked at him, that’s far from an issue. But what—”

  “Six months ago, when Captain Tiernen was here to see Mother, his crew was invited to visit the palace.”

  “Yeah, that’s nothing new, Lani. That happens all the time. They have a dinner. We eat. They talk. That’s it.”

  Lani ignored her interruption. “He had a new crew member who wasn’t like the others. He didn’t shy away from looking at me like they all do. You know what it’s like, Aoife. The way they avert their eyes and pretend we’re not there.”

  Aoife did know, but she also knew why they did it. To save their skins. Self-preservation.

  Adler must have been an idiot.

  “He saw me, and he smiled,” Lani said.

  Aoife’s eyes widened. “You’re going to risk everything because of a smile? And a man’s smile at that.”

  “You don’t understand.” Lani—tears now gone—stood her ground, her words matching her stance, armored with resolute confidence.

  Aoife mimicked her sister, straightening so she could look her in the eye. “You’re right. I don’t. He’s a man. Men are the problem, Lani. It was their warmongering that caused such destruction—scarred, broken lands and whole races wiped out. Or have you forgotten?”

  Lani didn’t so much as flinch or move to respond, so Aoife continued.

  “You were born for something greater. All three of us were. You, me, Darienn. Even if we wanted such things—which we shouldn’t—we don’t get the luxury of a smile and a man of our choosing. We will eventually be paired with one of the pirate lords—”

  “But I don’t want to!” Lani squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. “I don’t want someone who just visits me once every few months to breed like a prized cow to serve the needs of the council. I want a family and children. Multiple children. Not the one I’m allotted here as an heir. I want a life, Aoife!”

  The words pushed Aoife back. She couldn’t be hearing this. They’d grown up together, been raised for a bigger purpose. To lead this land and protect it so the ravages of war could never reach its shores again. It was why the first court had been instituted, why the treaty had been signed, why the whole nation had banded together and changed their ways.

  They’d both learned this in their council lessons, so why was Lani now acting as though none of that mattered or even existed?

  Lani released a sigh. “This is all rather rich coming from you, you know.”

  “What do you mean?” Though she already knew the answer before it came.

  “All those novels you used to read. And would still read if your mother hadn’t burned them.”

  “The novels we used to read, you mean. But those were mere stories. Fairy tales.”

  Lani dropped her head to the side. “Even fairy tales have some truth to them.”

  Aoife waved a hand between them. “Regardless, those were books. Love has no place in our life. Your life. Here. You can’t walk away from it for a damn smile.”

  “It wasn’t just a smile. After the dinner he found me in the hallway, and we talked. Aoife, we actually talked.”

  Aoife’s confusion rose to the surface, contorting her features. “About what exactly?”

  “Life, mainly. We stole out to the gardens. Everyone else was inside or heading back to the ship or to the pubs in Morshan, and he stayed behind to talk to me.”

  “Because he has a death wish apparently.”

  “I guess he thought I was worth it, and that felt amazing.”

  “But there can be no future with him. You’ll be twenty in a few months and taking your full place on the court. You’ll be expected to—”

  “I know what I’m expected to do. How many times can I explain to you? I don’t want it, Aoife.”

  “So what are you going to do? You can’t just walk out the front door. You can’t request to be released from your heritage, your duty!” She nearly added herself to the list of things Lani couldn’t abandon, but she choked back those words. Compared to her obligations to the council, simply staying with Aoife was far from important.

  “Yes, I can. And I will.”

  Aoife took a half step back, as if shoved by the realization this was actually happening. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because you forced me to.” Lani’s gaze and tone were sharp as her hands flew into the air.

  She’s got you there.

  “Fair enough. But do you expect me to simply step aside and let you?”

  None of this made sense. The forest around them seemed to disappear as Aoife stared at her sister, this sister who might not have even said goodbye before running off with some pirate. Aoife felt a familiar lump lodge itself in her throat. Thankfully it remained there and didn’t bring tears.

  “What exactly are they going to do to me, Aoife? We are a land of peace, order, nonviolence. It’s not like they’re executing people in the village square.”

  What would they do to her? This was unprecedented. No heir to the council had ever abandoned her duty. At least, none of the historical records indicated anything of the sort.

  Something twinged inside Aoife, an inkling of a doubt. What if someone had? What if it had been excluded from the record? Covered up? Hidden for the disgrace it was. She brushed the thought aside as nonsense. Such deceit would never have been tolerated, let alone practiced, by the council.

  “But they can’t just let you walk away from your place on the council! You’re coming of age in less than six months. Your ceremony is being planned as we speak! If you walk away before that, what would that do to everything we’ve built here? You’d risk war and the collapse of all order here for a man? A man you barely know.”

  “Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Aoife,” Lani said, her eyes darting to the treetops in exasperation.

  “You’re one to talk. I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

  “I can’t stay, Aoife. I can’t. I can’t do what they need me to do. To be paired with one of the pirate lords? To be shackled into a loveless contract? I can’t do it. Not when I have the chance to love and be loved on my own terms.”

  When Aoife looked in Lani’s eyes again, she found tears—not of fear, but of hope. Promise. Love. She swallowed down her worry. Her sister might be foolish—ridiculous—yet some part of her own heart began to twist in yearning. What would she have done in Lani’s place? If Aoife had been the one to turn a man’s head?

  She’d known her whole life she wasn’t destined for love or family or normalcy, but for service to her land and her people. She’d accepted that. It was how things had to be to keep the peace. But she couldn’t deny the look in her sister’s eyes, and she couldn’t cause her sister pain.

  She couldn’t believe what she was about to say. Didn’t even know if she’d be able to utter the words at all
. But she steeled herself, drew in a breath, and glanced at the trees surrounding them—as if someone might be lurking nearby and would overhear.

  “What do you need me to do?” The question came with none of the courage she’d hoped to muster, but this wasn’t a summer picnic they were plotting. This was treason. Or something similar.

  “Nothing, Aoife. Nothing. I mean, nothing actively. Just don’t tell anyone you know where I’ve gone. Not our mothers. Not Darienn.” An image of their younger sister—still two years from her own coming of age ceremony—flashed in Aoife’s mind. Darienn had a particularly cold demeanor, as if she were always plotting and scheming behind those dark blue eyes.

  Aoife shuddered and let Darienn’s face fade from her memory. “Where will you go though? And when is this happening?”

  “The next time they’re in port. I’m going to steal away while Mother’s with the captain. She’ll be preoccupied. And you know the others in the council lie low during those visits. Adler has been saving his money for his own sloop, and he found someone willing to sell him one next time he’s in port. He spoke of his homeland across the sea, an island where his people live simply but happily.”

  “So why did he become a pirate if he loves his homeland so much?”

  “His family needed the money after his father died. Piracy allowed him to provide for his mom and sisters.”

  “And he can just stop pirating now that he has you?” Aoife’s muscles recoiled at the unintended harshness in her question.

  “Are you trying to overthink this, or are you ruining it for me for your own pleasure?”

  “No! I just want to make sure you’ve thought this through before you throw everything away.”

  Lani’s shoulders slumped. “He doesn’t need to pirate anymore. He’s made enough in one year to help his family start their own business to support themselves. We’ll get married and go back to help run their shop.”

  A small spark flickered within Aoife as an image of Lani’s future took shape. Her sister’s red hair blowing in the wind. Laughing children running around her legs as she hugged her husband. Compared to the cold stone walls of the council hall and a loveless union with a pirate lord, she began to understand the appeal. Even if only slightly. But it was a future she’d never allow herself to dream of, because it was impossible.